Blogfestivus-A Seasonal Short Story Writing Challenge: Letter to Rudolf

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Dear Rudolf,

My name is One-Horn and I believe you will certainly know of me! I have heard rumour that I have been permitted to become a reserve for the ‘Reindeers of the Icelandic Antler Club’. Oh how marvellous, how heady, oh how NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

Now Rudolf, your reputation of being the beacon that lights the way for the rest of us reindeer, with that shiny nose of yours, stands tall and bright! However, I have followed behind you and come across some very strange information! As with all of you founding members, things are not anywhere near what they seem!

From my hiding place-what a set of photos I got! A remarkable transformation….

Ah Rudolf!

Ah Rudolf!

But what's this?

But what’s this?

Where's your hat?

Where’s your hat?

Only your nose left!

Only your nose left!

I believe you are called Henry the Horse!

I believe you are called Henry the Horse!

Can you imagine what would happen if this news were to leak out?  You and the other founding members deserve each other. With all that I now know I have come to a decision. I have now decided that I no longer wish to become a member of your club. I do not wish to be a part of your seedy underbelly of life.

You will never hear from me again!

Yours sincerely,

One-Horn

PS: Do you have the email of Doe-leen Hart, Editor of the Daily Deer?

blogdramedy

Steve Betz

Rewind Revise

Lenore Diane

Shouts from the Abyss

Fit it or Deal

Lynn Schneider Books .

1 Point Perspective

So I Went Undercover

Joe Owen’s Blog

MC’s Whispers

LittleWonder2

Blog It or Lose It!

Voice in Me

Apprentice, never master

A Year of Daily Posts

Diary of a Sensitive Soul

k8edid

Blogfestivus-A Seasonal Short Story Writing Challenge: Letter to Blitzen

blogfestivus-2012

Dear Blitzen,

I am writing to you about my membership request concerning the ‘Reindeer of the Icelandic Antler Club’ of which you are a founding member. I am at a loss as to why I have been totally rejected time and again!

I have been trying to think of some way that I could persuade you that I would be an asset to the club. I have decided to strike while the iron is hot and let you know that including me in your club won’t get you fired but that maybe I will have to resort to making YOU feel the heat.

Alternatively I could tell you I’m a bright spark and that I could improve your social evenings with my mobile disco! I have a great many tunes in my repertoire including ‘Smoke gets in your eyes’, ‘Disco Inferno’ and, oh, this one may strike a chord with you…. ‘Twisted Firestarter’!

I wonder if you are getting my gist?

Feeling excited yet? I expect so!

You may recognise your clubhouse in the next photo…..  the one that was razed to the ground last year in suspicious circumstances!

But I think my last photo will definitely be the clincher in getting you to finally accept my application! One could say your reputation is hot on your heels!

Yes Blitzen I know your hot little secret!

Yes Blitzen I know your hot little secret!

I expect to hear from you in the affirmative soon!

Yours sincerely,

One-Horn

Other Blogfestivus participants:

blogdramedy

Steve Betz

Rewind Revise

Lenore Diane

Shouts from the Abyss

Fit it or Deal

Lynn Schneider Books .

1 Point Perspective

So I Went Undercover

Joe Owen’s Blog

MC’s Whispers

LittleWonder2

Blog It or Lose It!

Voice in Me

Apprentice, never master

A Year of Daily Posts

Diary of a Sensitive Soul

k8edid

Blogfestivus-A Seasonal Short Story Writing Challenge: Letter to Donner

blogfestivus-2012

Dear Donner-or should I say…

Dear El Don aka The Stagfather???

My name is One-Horn and I am currently not a member of the ‘Reindeers of the Icelandic Antler Club’ due to being deemed apparently not worthy!

I hope you have noted my name……… One (not Two)-Horn! Yes, I would like to point out that I know, from first hand experience, what your racket is. Most reindeer do not realise the worth of their ‘horn’ in the way that you do! Quite a little side business you have since gaining the knowledge of the effects that ground up horn has on male virility? Not a bad market out there for the modern tired and stressed stag!

Here you are, in your retirement, enjoying the spoils of your ill-gotten gains, giving no thought to those of us you have maimed and left to survive with one or no horns at all!

My – how tranquil you look!

These next photos leave me quite emotional and wondering how you live with yourself!

Would your friends and neighbours treat you with the same respect if they knew how you made your fortune? If they knew the misery you have spread within the herd? To think-someone like you can decide whether or not I can join your club. It makes me wonder how much your quiet retirement and my silence on this matter means to you!

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely

One-Horn

Check out the other Blogfestivus participants below:

Blogdramedy

Steve Betz

Rewind Revise

Lenore Diane

Shouts from the Abyss

Fit it or Deal

Lynn Schneider Books .

1 Point Perspective

So I Went Undercover

Joe Owen’s Blog

MC’s Whispers

LittleWonder2

Blog It or Lose It!

Voice in Me

Apprentice, never master

A Year of Daily Posts

Diary of a Sensitive Soul

k8edid

Blogfestivus-A Seasonal Writing Challenge: Letter to Cupid

blogfestivus-2012

One-Horn

One-Horn

 

Dear Cupid,

I am writing to your concerning my unsuccessful application to join the ‘Reindeers of the Icelandic Antler Club’. I am a law abiding reindeer called One-Horn, who feels he has been pushed to the limits of his patience by this archaic, though nonetheless alluring, organisation!

You don’t know me, but you may know my cousin Other-One-Horn. Here he is, not really minding his own business, in your neck of the woods!

He has some interesting stories to tell about you Mrs. Cupid, mother of three, happily married paragon of virtue that you purport to be! Not only does he have stories to tell, he has photographic evidence of some very dubious behaviour.

In this first photo….well – it seems innocent enough, but this is you and your swinging friends arranging an assignation…

Heads down, details arranged…now just the thrill of the meet! Oh…and I have photos of that too!

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Oh don’t you all look casual, just waiting for the nod or wink. And here you are Cupid with not a trace of guilt on your face, just the excitement of anticipation….

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Until finally, none of you can wait any longer and you’re off…

Not really such a nice little secret to have is it Cupid? Other-One-Horn and I are very close and I’m sure I could persuade him to overlook these indiscretions if you were to reconsider my earlier mentioned application!

I look forward to hearing some good news!

Yours sincerely,

One-Horn

Other Blogfestivus participants:

Blogdramedy

Steve Betz

Rewind Revise

Lenore Diane

Shouts from the Abyss

Fit it or Deal

Lynn Schneider Books .

1 Point Perspective

So I Went Undercover

Joe Owen’s Blog

MC’s Whispers

LittleWonder2

Blog It or Lose It!

Voice in Me

Apprentice, never master

A Year of Daily Posts

Diary of a Sensitive Soul

k8edid

Blogfestivus-A Seasonal Short Story Writing Challenge: Letter to Comet

blogfestivus-2012Dear Comet,

I see you have achieved what you set out to get… a meteoric rise to celebrity, wealth and fame! Well, I’m wondering if I can achieve what I have set my sights on too! This is, for your information, to finally become a member of the ‘Reindeers of the Icelandic Antler Club’, which so far has proved extremely difficult-what with the rejections and all!

But back to you and just how you rose to such heights on that dubious reality show ‘Star Shine’, hosted by Simon Cowherd. Well he certainly took a ‘shine’ to you didn’t he? The photo below shows you becoming like a rabbit in the headlights on stage when you were supposed to be singing! No – your mouth doesn’t seem to be opening and yet somehow, on that performance, you won the show!

Could it have been because ‘Mutton Deaf’ Jeff Buckley  was off stage crooning his heart out as your voice stand in? (See photo below!)
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You should be thankful for computer wizardry making it look like you were singing on the night!

Evidence enough, I think, for you to consider recommending me to your precious Board. On the other hand maybe you would like to slip from the A list when people to find out that you are actually tone deaf and have no talent whatsoever! Does Mr. Buckley still do voice overs for you?

I expect a response from you very soon!

Yours sincerely

One-Horn

Check out some of the other participants in Blogfestivus:

Blogdramedy

Steve Betz

Rewind Revise

Lenore Diane

Shouts from the Abyss

Fit it or Deal

Lynn Schneider Books .

1 Point Perspective

So I Went Undercover

Joe Owen’s Blog

MC’s Whispers

LittleWonder2

Blog It or Lose It!

Voice in Me

Apprentice, never master

A Year of Daily Posts

Diary of a Sensitive Soul

k8edid

Blogfestivus 2012-A Seasonal Short Story Writing Challenge: Letter to Vixen

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Dear Vixen,

My name is One-Horn and you do know me but I expect you don’t remember me as I am just one of many on your list of conquests. But before I get too carried away, let me tell you why I am writing to you. You, I believe, are one of the founding members of the Reindeers of the Icelandic Antler Club of which I wish to become a member.

Sadly, whilst you were happy to say ‘yes’ to me once you had seduced me with your doe eyes and lip licking sauciness (see photo below!), it appears you are not willing to say ‘yes’ to my membership request!

Here’s a photo of me with you, powerless to resist!

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But maybe, just maybe I can change your mind!

I have found out that you are encouraging young does to enter into a vow of chastity until the buck of their dreams comes along, involving them in promising to remain virginal until their wedding day. I wonder what the young does would say if they knew about your ‘rutting tree’!! A tree where, in the throes of passion, your antlers scar the bark of said tree. Of course, as always, I have proof of this….

And close up…

So dear, sweet, lustful and lascivious Vixen….I will keep quiet if you let me join your club.

Yours sincerely,

One-Horn

PS Any chance of a meet at the rutting tree for old times sake?

Other Blogfestivus Participants who would love you to check out their Seasonal stories:

Blogdramedy

Steve Betz

Rewind Revise

Lenore Diane

Shouts from the Abyss

Fit it or Deal

Lynn Schneider Books .

1 Point Perspective

So I Went Undercover

Joe Owen’s Blog

MC’s Whispers

LittleWonder2

Blog It or Lose It!

Voice in Me

Apprentice, never master

A Year of Daily Posts

Diary of a Sensitive Soul

k8edid

Blogfestivus-A Seasonal Short Story Writing Challenge: Letter to Prancer

blogfestivus-2012

Dear Prancer,

My name is One-Horn. Having received several rejection letters from the ‘esteemed’ Reindeers of the Icelandic Antler Club concerning my request for membership, I thought I would enclose a slightly different photo to my previous entries…

Yes, that is definitely me in the middle of the photo.. but who is that at the edge following me like a puppy dog? Recognise who it is yet? Well let me tell you, just so it’s clear and in black and white for you! It’s you Prancer! Yes- Mr. Supposedly ‘Macho’ Prancer having just propositioned me down by the lake!

Quite frankly though, why you are still in the closet in these enlightened times I just don’t know, but what the heck, I can turn it to my advantage I’m sure! Now let me think…who to tell, who to tell…..

I wonder what the soon to be Mrs. Prancer would say if she knew? All her dreams of you, her perfect handsome reindeer, who has locked horns with other bull reindeer to become the victor, with herself as the spoils! Oh the shame, the disappointment!

Come to that, how about your “Stag night” next week? You and the other bulls out celebrating your upcoming nuptials! I don’t know how you have the front!

Anyway, enough of that. I’m sure I have given you quite enough to ruminate on and hope that your decision will be in the post to me forthwith!

Yours sincerely,

One-Horn

Other Blogfestivus Participants:

Blogdramedy

Steve Betz

Rewind Revise

Lenore Diane

Shouts from the Abyss

Fit it or Deal

Lynn Schneider Books .

1 Point Perspective

So I Went Undercover

Joe Owen’s Blog

MC’s Whispers

LittleWonder2

Blog It or Lose It!

Voice in Me

Apprentice, never master

A Year of Daily Posts

Diary of a Sensitive Soul

k8edid

 

Blogfestivus-A Seasonal Short Story Writing Challenge: Letter to Dancer

blogfestivus-2012

Dear Dancer,

My name is One-Horn. Should you ever deign to look at the Reindeers of the Icelandic Antler Club post you would know that I wish to become a member. I have received rejection letters, so I thought  I would write to you personally to help you to see why I should become a member! I have enclosed the photo that you require in order to make a decision about membership!

Putting aside my most distressed feeling I’m sure I can persuade you differently on this matter!  Now let’s see….

I believe you are a supporter of the charity to stop reindeer calf obesity-The CCNCC (Cuddly Calves are NOT Cute Calves) and, as one of its’ patrons, I wonder what people would think of the fact that you only maintain your svelt figure by your extreme anorexic and bulimic behaviour. Do not try to deny it…I have proof!

As you can see, I have photo evidence of you tip toeing off after your meal, thinking no-one knows what you are going to do. But I know….not only am I watching your every move, but I am listening to your every conversation and you don’t even know it!

Yes, there I am casually listening in and there you are looking smug and slim having indulged in your after meal ritual cleansing!

So I’m wondering how you are feeling now about reconsidering my application? I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

One-Horn

Other Blogfestivus Participants:

Steve Betz

Rewind Revise

Lenore Diane

Shouts from the Abyss

Fit it or Deal

Lynn Schneider Books .

1 Point Perspective

So I Went Undercover

Joe Owen’s Blog

MC’s Whispers

LittleWonder2

Blog It or Lose It!

Voice in Me

Apprentice, never master

A Year of Daily Posts

Diary of a Sensitive Soul

k8edid

Blogfestivus-A Seasonal Short Story Writing Challenge: Letter to Dasher

blogfestivus-2012

Dear Dasher,

My name is One-Horn. I wish to become a member of the Reindeers of the Icelandic Antler Club. Sadly, to date, I have not been successful and have received four rejection letters from the Board with no good explanation of why! Therefore I am writing to you personally to encourage you to permit me to join. I enclose a photo as requested on the membership form…the 5th photo I have sent!

I believe your club is guilty of prejudice, but my protests have fallen on deaf ears! So I will endeavour to persuade you to reconsider my application.

I would also like to point out that the title of your club is Reindeers of the Icelandic ANTLER Club…singular! But it seems that still no one will listen to me. Maybe the next paragraph will persuade you!

So Dasher-how come you can dash about so much? Eh? I know why! You take speed and are addicted to various narcotics.

I have had your poo analysed….

It came back from the laboratories as:

“Poo that is consistent with the poo-ee being an addict”!

I know if this information were to become known, it could ruin your reputation. Are you understanding how much I would like to become a member yet?

So if you need further help in your decision here’s a photo of you doped to the eyeballs and talking to yourself!

I really look forward to hearing from you!

Yours sincerely,

One-Horn

Other Blogfestivus’ Contributors:

Steve Betz

Rewind Revise

Lenore Diane

Shouts from the Abyss

Fit it or Deal

Lynn Schneider Books .

1 Point Perspective

So I Went Undercover

Joe Owen’s Blog

MC’s Whispers

LittleWonder2

Blog It or Lose It!

Voice in Me

Apprentice, never master

A Year of Daily Posts

Diary of a Sensitive Soul

k8edid