My name is One-Horn. I wish to become a member of the Reindeers of the Icelandic Antler Club. Sadly, to date, I have not been successful and have received four rejection letters from the Board with no good explanation of why! Therefore I am writing to you personally to encourage you to permit me to join. I enclose a photo as requested on the membership form…the 5th photo I have sent!
I believe your club is guilty of prejudice, but my protests have fallen on deaf ears! So I will endeavour to persuade you to reconsider my application.
I would also like to point out that the title of your club is Reindeers of the Icelandic ANTLER Club…singular! But it seems that still no one will listen to me. Maybe the next paragraph will persuade you!
So Dasher-how come you can dash about so much? Eh? I know why! You take speed and are addicted to various narcotics.
I have had your poo analysed….
It came back from the laboratories as:
“Poo that is consistent with the poo-ee being an addict”!
I know if this information were to become known, it could ruin your reputation. Are you understanding how much I would like to become a member yet?
So if you need further help in your decision here’s a photo of you doped to the eyeballs and talking to yourself!
I really look forward to hearing from you!
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